Good Will Hunting

This is a quote from the movie. I love it. It's beautiful. It moves my heart.

"I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything..."

Word to the Wise

If you knew my story,
Heard where I've been,
Then you know I'm not who I was
and I won't compromise myself just because
there's a chance it'll make you smile.
I don't trust you-
Don't know if I ever will.
I've caged in my heart while it's beating still.
If you want to get close, then get in line.
Don't start by wasting my valuable time,
and I'll make it worth your while.


You should know that I'm serious.
If you're smart, you'll prove your different,
but I'm not sure it exists.
If you're unsure,
Then stay out of my way.
I'm taking care of me today.
I always liked the idea of you,
but I'm tired of hoping for something new-
so don't mess with me-
I'll bury you.

Your arrogance and pride, they sing
with shiny, pretty words that bring
me oh so close to tears;
Because I want so bad to believe it's true.
But I'm not in your fairytale, it's just
You. and You. and You.
You're the King, the Duke, the Earl.
You offer me your blackened pearls
and you think I'm here to play.
But I wonder if you know
That at the end of every day
that trio keeps you alone.
Play with me
and I'll burn your throne.

You should know that I'm careful now.
If you're smart, you'll prove you're different,
but I'm not sure you know how.
If you're unsure,
Then stay out of my way.
I'm taking care of me today.
I always liked the idea of you,
but I'm tired of hoping for something new-
so don't mess with me-
I'll ruin you.

I've always wished for something real
But that's not how you make me feel.
You make me hurt, you make me weak-
but not a weakness that makes me tough.
A lonely, broken, aching pain
reminds me how I was never enough.
Never enough to make him happy...
You revive this pain in me,
and you display it like some victory-
display it for the world to see.
Some thing you've finally broken down,
A tarnished trophy to quell your thirst.
Your bloodlust keeps you at your worst.
Hunt me
and I'll kill you first.

You should know that I'm angry and hurt.
If you're smart, you'll prove you're different,
but I'm not sure what it's worth.
If you're unsure,
Then stay out of my way.
I'm taking care of me today.
I always liked the idea of you,
but I'm tired of hoping for something new-
so don't mess with me-
I'll destroy you.

You lament and call to me
with some lame, half-hearted apology-
You're sorry. You're sorry.
You're always sorry,
and, you know, I'm sorry too...
Sorry that I can't get rid of you.
I'm through being sucked into your games-
You'll never be different,
You're always the same.
You bring the same hurt, I shed the same tears,
But you aren't worth the love you fake,
and knowing this makes my heart ache.
I found a way to rise above.
Tell me you love me
and it won't be enough.

You should know that I need to be convinced.
If you're smart, you'll win my heart
if romance still exists.
If you're unsure,
Then stay out of my way.
I'm taking care of me today.
I always liked the idea of you,
but I'm tired of hoping for something new-
so don't mess with me-
I'm through with you.


-Lo-

"Your Brew" Oct. 2008 -CMJ

This poem was written for me by a friend. I dig it.

"Your Brew" Oct. 2008 -CMJ

Believe it or leave it
Want to say I'm sorry
For how things are. . .

Brew yourself some love
Pour yourself two cups
One to fill up on
And another just because.
Keep your heart beating,
Try not to exhaust it.
Remember its brought you
Ohhh so far. . .

Life works so courtly,
It can be shorter
Then the day before.
Get up off your rump,
Give your chest a thump
So it beats better than before.

Go on, and brew some love,
Pour yourself two cups.
One to drink on,
Just one to drink on. . .
And well the other,
You could pass out. . .
Pass it with no doubt.

If they dont like your brew,
There are more than a few.
Head UP when foot meets floor.
Believe it or leave it,
Can't say that I am sorry. . .
You look stronger than before.

Weekly Shout-Outs 02/15/09

It's been kind of a rough week for shout outs, and i'm not really sure why.


That being said, I'd like to give a shout out to:

*Roy- for being 'my lady tonight' (haha!); for "looking for love and high fives"; for always singing to me on the phone (and sometimes scream singing, which i LOVE!); for spitting in Trent's cup; for 'Hoody HOOOOOOO'; for 'Chafrican' ('charfrican... don't let it happen to you.'); for telling Lance Armstrong to 'Livestrong'. HAHA!; for digging the pics; for the way we love Brand New. 'Tell all the English boys you meet/About the American boy back in the states/The American boy you used to date/Who would do anything you say."

*Collin- for the flowers (you made my Tuesday); for lunch; for the movie night; for Saturday; for downloading Lydia and Brand New... they move my heart; for the things you remember; for more amazing stories; for buying a house and deciding to let me help you pick out paint colors (and i hope you know that by saying "you can help me", you REALLY meant "you get to pick them out".); for being fancy; and for deciding to go to Amsterdam for a weekend. I dig it.

*Andrew- for your carving skills; for making it impossible for me to win at ANYTHING- you SMOKED me in racquetball twice (raise your hand if you're surprised, though... oh, no one? great.), THEN you beat me in Chicken Foot, and FINALLY you whipped me in Nuts (that could be taken the wrong way. It's a CARD GAME, PEOPLE). we aren't playing games anymore... today atleast.; for introducing me to Nick & Norah; for the amazingly wrong music that we listened to today; for watching my dog poop.

*Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist- for the quote "I love you so much it's retarded."

*Micah Dean Johnson- for the videos. lovelovelove.

*Daisy- for the way you yawn when I kiss your face.

*Joshua and Jeremi- i love you boys with my whole heart. joshua, thank you for deciding to teach me to freebord! i miss you both. i'm glad you're coming to town and i am dedicating my weekend to you! see you soon. <3<3<3

*Josiah- for being amazing at baseball; for the play you almost made at second base yesterday where you did the awesome leaping-full-body-layout-stretch-for-the-ball but missed. but it was awesome; for teaching me to play the drums; for letting me borrow your belt. (it looks way better on me, you should just let me have it.)

*Sadie- for your beautiful baby, the pictures are so sweet. i love Norah. and i love you.*Jenny- for February 9, 2009; for being a part of me.

*Jenny's mom- for this conversation she had with her daughter...

Jenny's mom: My wallet is in there by the lamp.
(Jenny looks by lamp and finds no wallet)
Jenny: What do you mean 'in here by the lamp?'
Jenny's mom: Paper towels.

one word... WOW. hahahaaaaaaa

*Lindsey- for dedicating the song "Wonderwall" to me; and for cotching a feesh... and a duck. you are the only guy i know who has gone fishing and caught a duck. i DIG THAT. haha; hope to see you Tuesday or Wednesday!!!

*Burt's Bees- for your Lip Shimmer. God bless you.

*The back and mailroom fax machines- for 2 consecutive issue-free weeks. *SMOOCH!*

*Mitch- for not being mad at me for mistaking you for Andrew; for 'Your Brew'; for your compassion and insight. You have moved my heart.

*Richie Kubu- for getting engaged!!!! that is so amazing, i'm excited for you! (but this does not excuse you from 'Reunion Fun Times')

*Preston- for your favorite sports being paintball and curling... and hopscotch... and for getting me to confess that my favorite sports were heroin and slavery... and for subsequently confessing that your favorite sport is actually the Holocaust... and for the conversation abruptly changing. haha

*Meyers- for admitting that you miss me. but really no one's surprised.

*Hurtado- for being in Alaska, that's hardcore; for the video comments. :)

*The robust black woman in IHOP- for the conversation she had on her phone that went a little something like this:

RBW (Robust Black Woman): 'So how come you haven' reported that phone stole? Seven hunned dollas lata... YOU BES' REPORT THAT DAMN PHONE STOLE!... Why you gon' do dat? Naw, naw, you LIKE bein' sick. Every time you eat that you en' up in the 'mergency room. No, i am gettin' off the phone with you because i am in the ress-uh-ront an' i cain't cuss you out like i wawnt to, so i am gettin' off da phone. Goodbye."

...Well done.

*The River of Life- for miraculously producing thousands of Krispy Kreme donuts daily.

*CHRISSY CONWAY- for the time you kicked the hole in the wall in your bedroom because you were mad at your mom. then you drew a picture and taped it over the hole. hahaha

*This lady- http://videos.komando.com/2009/02/09/bowling-accident/

*Stephen Dorff- for your role in Blade; you are lovely.

*Kara-- for appreciating my stupid sense of humor and encouraging me to keep doing the shout outs. Love you!

*Leighton Antelman (okay, and the rest of Lydia)- once again, you sing like an ANGEL and you own my heart. I can't wait for the show Thursday. Don't get creeped out if i ask for a mouth hug. Thx.

*D- for coming through in the clutch (kind of.); for sending me thishttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZxd-xV4pbE and making me cry. Goodbye. I hope Texas treats you well.

I thought I had more this week, but I guess that pretty much sums it up.

LoveLoveLove,

--Lo--

Shout-Outs for Chrissy

Dear Chrissy,

It’s not that I forget you in ANY way. To be honest, I think of you every day. I’m sad that California took such a huge piece of my heart away from me.Madam, if you will recall, in your last shout out, I mentioned almost every one of the instances you described in your written complaint. However, I have seen the unnecessary hurt and sorrow I have caused. Thusly, I will never exclude you from the shout outs ever again. I promise. But you have to promise me that you will call me every week and talk to me because I miss you. And because you make me laugh really hard. And because something you say will more than likely be worthy of a shout out.

That being said, I’d like to give a shout out to:

Christina Nicole Conway- for the word “Yippen”; for watching tv instead of listening to me when we would talk on the phone in high school; for the video tapes we made (I would like a copy of those please!); for you making Dillon spend like $30 on candy and snacks every time he took you to the movies; for the fact that you could probably quote Joe Dirt front to back; for your hoodie that I stole and still have; for the fact that you are the most beautiful woman I know; for the time you dropped the double f-bomb (I wasn’t there for that, but the story is funny); for there never being a dull moment, even if we were just watching tv; for how much you love Jordan Almonds; for always being the strong one.


I love you so much.

-Lo-

Like Icarus

I heard the birds cry out as you ripped through the sky,
I heard them say your name.
I drew in a breath,
and the earth, I swear it moved.
Patiently waiting for you to pass by,
I can't wait to ruin you.

You broke through the clouds-
I can see you now,
released from years of captivity.
Feathers and wax were a father's means
to make a way for you.
For a shot at a new life, he made you wings;
and this new life, it screams
all around you.
From deep inside you, it cries out,
and I can hear you in the wind; it sings.

Once freed, you were given boundaries-
"Don't fly too high, stay away from the sun."
But your taste for adventure took control of you,
and I smile because I've seen this before.
I know your kind, always wanting more;
So you flew higher, and the sun was hot.
Now your arms are coated with melted wax,
and you're falling-
You fall hard and fast.
I get to watch the panic in your face.
I sense your fear and I won't hesitate;
so stretch out your arms and accept your fate-
A hard, dark body of blue...
you know what waits for you.

Cold, deep and unforgiving,
I'll swallow you up if you give me the chance.
I'll destroy your faith
and make you wear your broken crown.
Tell me how it felt to be captured,
and I'll tell you how it felt to pull you down.
Relinquish your cries for help.
Everyone has better things to do
than waste their time trying to rescue you.
But they might stop to watch you drown.

They'll stop everything to witness tragedy.
They'll watch as I pound into your flesh.
They'll watch and laugh as I pour into your lungs,
and they'll be thinking all the while, "Better you than me."

I'll carry you, weak and bleeding
to the rocky cliffs on the shore,
just to watch your face as I pitch you to the jagged rocks;
We've gone through this before.
I let them have you for a while
before I take your broken body, limp from exhaustion,
and I tell you, "Ask for mercy."

Glaring, you tell me, "I'll die first."
I can deal with that.
I'm bored with you now, anyway,
I'd rather you beg than talk to me that way.
So I pull you down deep.
I watch you twitch and fight
until you become still;
Your lifeless body is beautiful to me;
delicate, floating so gracefully.
Your eyes are still open;
I've never seen anything so lovely-
piercing and blue-
they'll haunt me for the way I tortured you.

I watch you sink,
and you're out of my sight.
Now I turn to the sky,
once again waiting-
always waiting;
Waiting for someone else to fly too high,
they always do.
There's always someone just like you.

-Lo-

Weekly Shout-Outs 02/07/09

I still haven't quite figured out an accurate way to title these weekly blogs... maybe dating them is a good idea. I don't know.

That being said,I'd like to give a shout out to:

*Roy- for the voicemails you leave me when you talk like i am actually on the phone with you; for suggesting that i get black in my hair (and i TOTALLY did it! ask and you shall receive); for our conversation about Milka chocolate (you're welcome); for being my kindred spirit/bfff; for having 10 reasons why Boondock Saints is one of the greatest movies ever, and for the point you made that no one wants to watch ugly people; for having a moral code (i dig that about you); for loving Lydia, that makes my heart smile.

*Tracy Kirk- for doing awesome things to my hair. I love what you do.

*Most of the people I work with- for the dirty looks I get from you for the black streaks in my hair.

*Pasta Cafe- for rigatone ala vodka and chicken marsala... and for freaking delicious iced tea (a glass of which was prepared for me to take back to work.)

*Karl- the waitor at Pasta Cafe- for preparing said cup of iced tea.

*OPI- for the nail color "Lincoln Park at Midnight". it's my fave.

*Collin Underation- for lunch, for buying wheels and tires (once again, you totally have my permission to do that); for telling the BEST stories; for memories of tree shakers; for memories of late nights on msn messenger; and last but not least, FOR STANDING ME UP TODAY. tsk tsk tsk.

*Lone Tree Bible Ranch- for the peace i find when i am there; you will always be home to me.

*Christopher Michael Jackson- for our talk in the gym; for the sexiest dance moves i've ever seen in my life; for always being able to make me laugh. I'll say it again, you have one of the greatest hearts of anyone i have ever known. love you, man.

*Girlfriend- for the fact that Excedrin Migraine apparently makes you talk for an hour and a half straight; for being amazing; for your awesome ipod touch; for letting me 'cottage cheese' your butt at small group and the fact that it made you feel awkward and uncomfortable; for the way you ate the entire bowl of peas at camp this weekend.

*Jorge- for taking care of my Girlfriend, you are a good husband to her; for being understanding of my socially unacceptable views; for being able to catch peas in your mouth. that was neat.

*Misty Edwards- for the song "You Won't Relent". I can't stop singing it. or playing it on piano.

*Preston aka 'Pebo'- for helping me create a pen that will make us practically rule the world. we're going to the top!; for being able to make me laugh; for changing my life 4 years ago by bringing 5 (including you) amazing dudes into my life. i'm glad we are talking again after so very long.

*Dr. Dunn- you were the first doctor i have had (since doc mac) who actually would sit down and listen to me. i dig that; for being all the way in Lubbock, TX and for giving me reasons to leave Roswell. See you in 3 months!*the lady who did my bloodwork- first of all, you looked 11 years old, so you get a shout out for being a a female Doogie Howser; you also get a shout out for using what looked like a STRAW instead of a needle.

*Micah Dean Johnson- for the video you posted on my wall; for the songs you have written me; for late night taco bell and MXC; for sad goodbyes when you moved away; for being so persistant about having me come visit you (i'm saving money for that trip, i promise! it will happen!). I adore you.

*Lindsey Sheffield- for naming your dog Cheeseburger; for appreciating the fact that i am such a DORK (and for pointing it out to me on a semi-regular basis. haha!); for starting a garden; for being a dude who can cook; for being so very kind. p.s. i bought the American Psycho book today. haha!

*Andrew Thomas Young- for the fact that i know your middle name; for the fact that your phone is suspiciously dying almost every time we talk, or so it seems; for the movie invite, i hope it's good!; for not slapping me when i loudly called you a slut at the movie theater last night (did you see the dirty look that 90 year old ticket collecting lady gave me?); for teaching me how to correctly swing a racquetball racquet (now if i could only do it...); for rockin' the fedora.

*Frank- for telling me "that's how rapes get started" more than once this weekend; for knocking me down on the floor twice in the sanctuary (there were witnesses); for "freeze out", which you totally lost and are not man enough to admit.

*Daisy- for pooping in the middle of the street today when we went on our walk. (i promise, someday you will get a shout out that doesn't praise your bowel movements).

*Jenny- for the fact that we had to go to Wal Mart at 11:45 p.m. for chocolate milk (okay, AND contact solution, but let's be honest, you would have done without that); for reminding me every 9 minutes about book club; for the fact that you stole tennis rackets and now have 5-ish; for looking nice without wearing makeup, luckyyyyyy; for talking about wanting to watch Nacho Libre since before Christmas, and when we finally start to watch it, what do you do? fall asleep. haha

*LeAndra- for coming to Roswell!; for Operation Bearded Dragon; for bringing laughter into my life in a way that no one else can. i miss you, love.

*Sadie Anne- for your blog "The Time Has Come, The Walrus Said"- i have been quoting lines from the book "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" all cotton-picking week.

*Taryn Jackson- for playing the dancing bunny game thing with CHEER PRECISION. it was beautiful to watch. i'd even go so far as to say enchanting.

*Cord and Tim- for helping me kill an hour of time at work by standing at my desk telling me stories about your sociopathic brothers. (i have awesome bosses!)

*Cord- for pointing out the difference between a 'lie' and a 'mistake'; and for telling me to stop feeling guilty about things. you know me better than that, though.

*Josh and Kyle (the Joshua Clothing boys)- for the personal hand-written note you mailed me. I'm taking it to work to post over my desk.

*Icarus- for the inspiration.

i'm tired.

if i missed any, i'll put them on next weeks shout outs.

lovelovelove

-Lo-