An Apology (Ode to The Battered Wife)

Countless times I’ve tried to talk to you,
I didn’t want it to be this way;
But I don’t have the courage
And there are some things I’ve got to say.
So I’m writing you this letter,
My apology,
Because I have noticed things
You probably think I never see.

I’m sorry that I lie to you-
I know I let you down.
I’m sorry for the way I act
when I don’t have you around.
I want you to know that I’m sorry
for the way that I behave,
and I really hate myself
for the awful things I say.

I’m sorry that I don’t treat you
like you mean anything to me;
and I know that you see sides of me
that no one else will see.
I’m sorry that I take advantage of you
in every possible way,
because I know that you’ll still be there
at the end of every day.

Know that you deserve
so much more than I can give.
My Battered Wife, I know
it’s not the way you want to live.
Know that you are loved
so much more than I let on.
My Battered Wife, you’ve been sunshine
when all the light was gone.

I’m sorry for the violence,
for my cruel and painful touch.
I hit you and you take it
because you love me that much.

Know that I don’t mean it
when I slap; when I shove;
My Battered Wife, I’m sorry,
it is I who doesn’t know love.

I don’t know what it means
to put your needs before my own,
and it’s never been that hard for me
to make you feel alone.

I’m sorry for the empty mess
I’ve caused your life to be;
I will promise you the world,
but my actions speak for me.

My Battered Wife, there’s so much more
than I could ever say,
so please accept this apology,
read it every day.
And though I know I’ll always be
the person that I am,
know that there’s a part of me
that truly understands
how much I hurt you-
inside I tear you apart;
I know a day does not go by
that I don’t break your heart.

I’m sorry that through all the pain
and constant let-downs,
My Battered Wife, you were so afraid to lose me
that you chose to stick around.
I’m so, so sorry for all I’ve done,
that I’ve caused such hurt and sorrow.
My Battered Wife, I’m sorry most of all
that I’ll be the same tomorrow.

I make you hurt because I hurt,
and it’s hard for me to see
that, though my pain feels like too much to bear,
the world won’t stop for me.

No one cares how much I hurt
or whether I’m alive or dead.
I heard a song long ago,
And I believe it was Keith Green who said,
“If I could, I would protect you
From what you will see;
For the world will promise love and beauty,
But it lied to me.”

My Battered Wife, I push you away
because I’ve suffered so-
And I’m afraid to let you in,
and I’m afraid that I will start to show
the evidence of hope and love
in my speech and how I act.
The hope of change is a heavy burden;
my pride’s too strong for that.

Know that I’m disgusted
with who I’ve come to be.
My Battered Wife, you’ve truly been
the only good in me.

I’m sorry for my temper,
I wish you only knew
how much I wish that I could change,
it’s so unfair to you.


I painted rage upon your face,
your arms, your feet, your side.
My Battered Wife, I’m sorry,
it’s because of me you died.
I’m so, so sorry for all I’ve done,
that I’ve caused such hurt and sorrow.
My Battered Wife, I’m sorry most of all
that I’ll be the same tomorrow.