The one true desire I have in my life is to be a mother. All of my life I knew and believed that I would fall in love, marry young, and start having children immediately. I wanted to be a young mom.
I was 20, two weeks from 21, when I got married, and I wanted so badly to have a baby as soon as possible. Everyone said "practical" things like, "You need to wait," "You need to finish school first," "You need more time to get to know Derrick." Well, bless their hearts, that may be what they think for themselves, but their opinions don't really account for where I am in my life. Derrick and I were just married, yes, but when are you ever REALLY prepared for kids? There are always justifications- finances, careers, personal issues... This is what I have always wanted, so thank you for your concern, but you don't know what's best for me.
Several months went by with no success. I was bummed, but I knew that it would probably take a little more time than just a few months. Well, then I started having some medical complications. I started going to a doctor for these problems and she told me that I should start seeing a Gynecologist about the issues I was having. So I did.
No one really knows what is wrong or what is going on. All they have been able to deduce is that there is a problem, and all they have done is treat the symptoms. Well, about a year ago, the Gynecologist told me that my ovaries weren't working like they were supposed to, and that it didn't look like I was going to have children any time soon. He said it probably isn't impossible, but that it would be extremely difficult because of the way my body was functioning.
I was devastated.
Derrick sat down with me that night and tried to console me the best he could, but it was going to take some time to get through this one. I was so hurt and upset and I was angry with God because He KNOWS it's what I want most in this life. How can He take that away from me? I told Derrick that I was really angry with God, and he said something that humbled me so much. He said, "I'm sure He knew you would be." That hit me like a slap in the face. In this life, what I want and what I think is important holds no bearing compared to what God has planned, and I'm so ashamed of myself for being so selfish.
I realized that it's not about what I want, but a lot of times, knowing what's right doesn't make things any easier. I was still really depressed. And what made it worse was that everyone around me seemed to be getting pregnant... The absolute worst part, though, was seeing girls still in high school, or who had just graduated, who were very, very pregnant and not the least bit excited about it. It was really disheartening for me.
When I came home from work a few days after my discussion with Derrick, he had a surprise waiting for me. I walked into the den to find this-
(Forgive me for the quality of the picture, I took it with my phone, and the camera was awful.)
From the moment she arrived in our home, Daisy Mae has brought such joy to my heart and to my life. I'm a firm believer that no one can love you like your dog loves you. Whether I am gone for 5 minutes or 5 days, she is always, ALWAYS so overjoyed when I walk through the front door.
She is never mean or ugly. She never makes me cry. Sunshine follows her wherever she goes. All she wants to do is be with me- play with me, love me. I realize this sounds sappy and ridiculous, but she truly was a blessing from God.
Dogs always love you. They are always happy to see you. They NEVER point out your faults. They are truly wonderful and amazing creatures, and I don't know where I would be without my little angel.
She helped save me. I thank God for her.
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