Modern Day Christians Make Me Sick

Here's the thing: All of my life I have known God. I was raised knowing and believing that He is my only hope in this life. Believing hasn't really ever been a problem for me. My struggle has always been with "the church" and who they portray Christ to be.
I'm so sick of modern day christians who judge the people around them and their salvation based upon how many appearances they make at an organized church service... or the people who watch to see if you drop anything into the offering basket... or heaven forbid you don't stand up when everyone else is, dress to the hilt, or stay awake through the whole thing.
I'm sick of the christians who boast and brag-- who claim that they are content with where they are in their walk and don't need any help. No one should ever be content, they should always want more. God deserves better than that. I'm fed up with christians who talk about how they will act when they get to see God... or if they had the chance to spend time with Him... nowhere in the scriptures was anyone excited to see Him actually come... because though they loved Him, they feared Him so. And you can always spend time with Him. Why do modern day christians think God is their buddy? Apparently giggling and holding hands is the attitude most people present when faced with the hypothetical situation of being in the presence of our King. I would be on my face, probably too overcome with fear and awe to giggle. Do people truly buy into this? Has who He is truly become so watered down that it could almost pass for a primetime sitcom where the young boy gets to meet his favorite sports star? It disgusts me.
There was a time in my life when I believed this. I bought into the hype and the nonsense-- a world full of fallacy and blindness. I watched everyone around me become "immersed in the Spirit". I watched them rock and sway and speak in a "prayer language." And all the time I was wondering "What's wrong with me? Why don't I have that?" Truth be told, I believe God saved me from that. Something I have come to learn about "praying in the Spirit" is that it is a mockery of who God is. Even the phrase "praying in the Spirit" sounds blasphemous to me. If the Spirit of God approached you speaking nonsense, what would your reaction be?
The whole point of "prayer languages" is self-glorification. I've discussed this issue with people who use a "prayer language" and they told me that it wasn't given to everyone, just the people who need it. They told me that it was an intimate thing just between you and God. Well, I see no problem with that. The only problem I have with that is if it's just for you and God, then why speak it into a microphone? What is that proving? Is it just a way to show everyone how intimate with God you are? Because I don't buy it. I think if it's meant to be between you and God, then that's all that should hear it.
God responds to REALNESS. Real words. Real feelings. Real love... because that is what He gives to us.
Laying of hands and annointings kind of rub me the same way. My opinion is (ESPECIALLY if I don't know you), keep your hands off me. You're no cleaner than I am, I don't care who you are. I could elaborate more on this, but I've got a long way to go so I'm moving on.
I used to feel like that was all good stuff. God stuff. There was a time when I KNEW He wanted me to go to FIRE: School of Ministry, and I KNEW He wanted me to go to Syria as a missionary, a restricted area where christians are killed, and I KNEW that I wanted to be martyred... now I look back (having done none of these things) and I realize- why would God want me to go to a country and share my faith when first of all, there was an obvious language barrier (now I know that there were times in the Bible where God provided in those situations, but bear with me), and secondly, I have a difficult time sharing my faith with people I know... or Americans in general. It's easier for people to go to other countries and christianize them because they don't hear it everyday.
I had countless opportunities to share Christ with a friend of mine in High School. He believed christianity to be a cult. I never knew what to say to him, and I was afraid of him rejecting me, so I kept my mouth shut. He killed himself. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of him and know that I wasn't there for him like I should have been. And I don't want to say that things would have been different if I had shared the love of Christ with him because at some point in every person's life, God presents Himself to you, and it doesn't involve other people at all. It wasn't my job to save him. But I could have loved him better.
I'm tired of christians who fail to see that it's actually harder to talk about God in a place where christianity is accepted but not always chosen. And people think they're doing God a favor. Not that I'm saying they were wrong. Missionaries do great work for people. It takes a lot of commitment and hard work, and a great deal of humility and servitude. I believe God truly does use people sometimes, but the bottom line is He doesn't need us to do anything for Him... except love Him and obey Him. And christians get the wrong idea thinking it's our job to fix people. There so many things wrong with that.
I'm sick of christians who candy-coat our Maker-- who think that christianity is supposed to be fun and easy... and they give up when they discover that it isn't because OBVIOUSLY God would not allow us to have to WORK AT IT. It should just come easy. It is rarely easy and fun to do the right thing, even putting religion aside and basing decisions strictly on morals and ethics, it's not easy to do what's right. It's like obeying our parents... not fun... not easy... but it's rewarding. They expect our obedience and they deserve it.
Martyrdom... martyrdom is okay when no one knows about it. Then it can't be about you. In Jesus' case, that was okay, because it really was about Him, if you think about it. Dying for God's glory would be amazing, but it's a heck of a lot easier to talk about it than to actually be in a situation where you're experiencing it. I used to get a magazine, I forget what it was called, but it was full of stories about NATIVE people in foreign countries (notice, I didn't say americans) who were christians and were persecuted for it. One man had a baptismal tub in his front yard for people who became saved and wanted to be baptized. He was threated several times to take it down. Not verbally, mind you. He was beaten severely. But he kept putting it back up when the soldiers tore it down. His body was mangled when they were through with him. I saw pictures of him. There's actual pain and suffering involved in matryrdom that I think most people, especially americans would find hard to stomach, and even harder to sit through. I don't think God wants us to willingly put ourselves in those situations just for the sake of dying. And personally, I would not want that for myself if I knew that I would be recognized or praised for it, because it's not about me. I believe that we prove more to Him about how much we love Him through the way we live than the way we die.
I'm sick of Wednesday and Sunday christians. I'm sick of Holy Day of Obligation christians. I'm sick of youth pastors who talk about Metallica in a salon during the week, but jam out to David Crowder on Wednesday night. You don't fool me.
I'm sick of christians who "feel His presence" when everyone is around, but probably wouldn't know His presence if it came up and bit them in the face.
I'm sick of christians who blame their sin on drugs and alcohol. I know non-believers who are better than that. Everything we do is based on a CHOICE that WE make OURSELVES, and God doesn't deserve to be lied to. My ethics teacher said something that I will always remember. He said, "You are, right now, exactly who you want to be." How can you argue with that? If you truly want to be different, you would be.
I'm sick of christians who believe Heaven is their goal... who only want to get through this life to get there. My opinion of Heaven is, yes, I would love to get there, but I want it to be because God deserves it- not me. I want Him to be loved that much. I want to get there to glorify Him, not so I won't rot in damnation for eternity. That's what I deserve.
I'm sick of christians who BRAG about their former lives. Christians who are too boastful and self-glorifying to be ashamed. That's the problem I have with testimonies. No one needs to know your BAGGAGE. So what if it makes them feel better that someone else did the same things they did and still appears to have an intimate relationship with God. The scriptures teach that He will meet you where you are, that He will love you in your darkest. Hearing that someone else has the same baggage as you ONLY helps you justify your own. I want my relationship with God to be my own. It's no one else's business what I've been through or where I am now or where I am going to be.
I'm sick of the christians who never run out of things to say. Christians who are all talk but are scared to even think about doing. Jesus lived to set an example for us. The lesson was not to SPEAK the way He spoke, but to LIVE the way He lived. Most people learn early on that words mean nothing. We can say we believe in God all day long, but at the end of the day, what we DO and what we SAY are the things that speak for us to God and everyone around us. And which do you think says more?
I'm fed up with christians who think going to church and reading the Bible are surefire ways to enter the Kingdom of God. I believe it was Keith Green who said, "Going to church doesn't make you a christian, just like going to McDonald's doesn't make you a hamburger." My dad and I have talked about this, and he told me, "I guarantee you there will be people in Heaven who have never read the scriptures, or who have never heard a preacher pounding on the pulpit." And I believe that. Because I have SEEN a preacher make the mistake of holding the Bible in the air and saying, "This is God." Can you see a problem with this? It would be like the President writing a letter and someone holding it up and saying, "This is the President." It's NOT the same.
The scriptures are a great tool, but they are not God. And I'd hate to ever make the mistake of getting them mixed up. Or getting so caught up in trying to find Him in His book, that I miss the realness of Him altogether. He's bigger than that.
Prayer in schools is another issue I have. I'm tired of getting petitions to send to the President to reinstate prayer in school.... for christians... No one seems to get the fact that NOTHING STOPS YOU FROM PRAYING. EVER. It's all a production. And besides, if prayer in school was reinstated, it would have to apply to EVERYONE. Buddhists, Muslims, Hindus.... even people who worship the devil would be allowed to have organized prayer in school. And PS, what about "See you at the pole"? That seems pretty organized to me. And strictly for christians. I'm sure that if something like that were to be in effect for another religion, the christians would somehow have a huge problem with this. It would have to be universal, aaaaaaaand I'm pretty sure the christians wouldn't want that.
I'm tired of christians who make excuses. It's okay that we sin and do the wrong things because God will forgive us. So go ahead and keep doing things wrong. He'll still love you. Just try a little harder to do what's right. Maybe next time you'll get it. But if you don't, hey, it's no big deal, Jesus died for you, remember? And by the way....

every day He rescues you is another day He dies.

So keep nailing Him to that cross. Keep talking about how easy and fun it is. I'm sure you'll be well rewarded for it. Then you can brag to your friends about your struggle with alcohol, raising those hands to Heaven that were holding drugs and booze a solid 9 hours before church started... but make sure you're in the front row so people can see you.

Otherwise no one will believe you are

a christian.


*** Just as a note...

The whole point of that blog was to voice my frustrations with today's christian church. Granted, there were a lot of things that I could have said with more eloquence, it wouldn't have changed the meaning behind it. It was simply a frustrated opinion of how many christians really behave.
Know this, i feel compelled to say that out of frustration came the phrase "I am sick of..." When the truth of the matter is, I should have said, "I believe God is sick of..."
Also know this: I'm sick of things I see in myself. I'm tired of being less than what God deserves, and I'm sick of coming to Him at the end of each day knowing that I hadn't done all I could to make His heart smile. Know that my frustrations lie within myself first and foremost, and that while it may have seemed like a condescending standpoint, it was not intended to be so. It was intended to point out areas that are in desperate need of change.
Folks, you're not going to hurt my feelings if you don't agree with me, trust me. I'm anxious to hear your thoughts. But try not to take what I said out of context, and try not to misinterpret what I wrote. Take whatever sinks in, discard from your mind whatever doesn't.
I encourage you all to be mindful of the things you say and the way you behave. If you're a christian, know that you're not only living with Christ in you, but you're a reflection of who He is, and the things you do affect the way people look at Him, like, as a child, the things you do affect the way people look at your parents. Just take heed of the things you say and do, even if you're non-religious. You never know who's watching.