I have had a terrible time sleeping lately. Part of this is due to my 7 month old, 75 pound great dane puppy who believes it is absolutely necessary to sleep with her head on my pillow and the rest of her body on top of me in order to achieve a good night's sleep; but also, I think, because the tv gets left on throughout the night. I usually fall asleep watching obscure shows about people disappearing and being kidnapped. It's thrilling. It is a show called "Disappeared" and it comes on the Investigation Discovery channel and is entirely true. Which is why I'm drawn to it.
My friend Ashley says it isn't good to fall asleep with the tv on because your brain doesn't stop processing what is going on around you, and with the tv on, it makes it harder for you to rest (or something along those lines); which sounds kind of weird, but even if a team of scientists came up to me and declared that information to be entirely false, I wouldn't believe them. Because it makes perfect sense.
(I've also been obnoxiously ill, which is never enjoyable.)
You'd think the answer to getting a better night's rest is obvious. Either make Belladonna sleep in her own bed (which she tries to do, but I love her and spoil her accordingly), let the dog have the bed (I refuse to lose that battle to my dog), or fall asleep watching something different; which I also refuse to do, unless something about serial killers is on tv... on the biography channel they sometimes have a show on called "Notorious" (a show which my boyfriend secretly wishes to be featured on one day. But not to worry). "Notorious" features serial killers and will usually have something exciting like live footage or personal interviews if the featured killer has not been subject to capital punishment. Dreadful thing, capital punishment.
I am drawn to these shows because it is so intruiging to me how the human mind works. How does one become a sociopath? Do they just wake up one day, bored, and develop a bloodlust? Surely they're not born that way. I cannot picture a toddler learning about shapes and colors and dwelling on crimes of violence. It would be an interesting social experiment. (Although I'm sure federal funding is used for worse things.)
Watching "Disappeared" gives me lots to think about before I sleep, like "how many of these people disappear because they want to?" If I could pull it off, I would probably do it. At least for a little while. Shortly after the life-ruiner I was once married to decided to get caught cheating and set me free from my matrimonial misery, I contemplated an adventure similar to Christopher McCandless' Alaskan journey. How liberating would it be to burn all your money, abandon responsibility, and disappear from society?! Abandoning the thought of ever having to meet the expectations of others (which we are forced to do, whether we believe it or not), pleasing people, and being caught in the whirlwind of the economical ladder is something that tugs at my heartstrings. The lesson he learned is "happiness only real when shared", but I'd like to discern that for myself, thank you very much. Because people suck.
Maybe tonight will be more restful; however with the things I pollute my mind with, it's a shocker that I don't wake up in tears, or screaming... or journalling crimes of violence.
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
3 years ago
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